NETHERFIELD CAT 1: I don’t care what you say, he’s batty about her.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2 (DOUBTFUL): You mean the new master? Nah. He’s always batty about some girl or other!
NETHERFIELD CAT 1: Not the way he is about Miss Bennet. And, you gotta admit, she is kind of cute.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2: Well hey, maybe. It’s way better now the Bingleys are here, anyways. I mean, there’s generally something going on.
NETHERFIELD CAT 1: I get you. Leftovers.
NETHERFIELD CAT 1 (DEFENSIVELY): Leftovers, cuddles, visitors, whatever.
NETHERFIELD CAT 1 (ACUTELY): You mean leftovers.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2: Partly leftovers. Partly not. I liked it when the Bennet girls lived here.
NETHERFIELD CAT 1 (LOFTILY): They never lived here. They got stuck here, didn’t they, when Miss Bennet was poorly.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2 (INTERESTED) That a fact?
NETHERFIELD CAT 1: Fact. And for just a few days, at that. During which time Miss Bingley was always in a bad mood. You forgot that part, didn’t you?
NETHERFIELD CAT 2 (BEWILDERED): But why?
NETHERFIELD CAT 1: Why the bad mood, you mean? Well hey, she couldn’t get more than a word of sense out of her brother – on account of Miss Bennet’s being so cute – NOR more’n a word at all out of Mr what’s it – Darcy – on account of Miss Bennet’s sister, the clever one.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2 (WITH ANIMATION): Yeah, yeah, I remember! I remember! And then, Miss Bingley came down to the kitchen and kicked –
NETHERFIELD CAT 1 (ICILY): We won’t go into that, if you please.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2 (HASTILY) No, no, not at all.
NETHERFIELD CAT 1: Good. Cool. Otherwise you’d be even stupider than you seem, haha. (THAWING A BIT.) Anyway, I doubt there’s any chance of extra nibbles tonight. They’re finishing up the leftovers, before you ask.
NETHERFIELD CAT 2 (MOODILY): Bummer.
(THEY SIT AND STARE INTO THE DISTANCE, THE WAY CATS DO.)
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